Stepping out of your comfort zone can seem scary, especially for introverts or Gen Zers who have spent little time in offices after the Covid-19 pandemic. Starting small, even with seemingly unimportant conversations with your peers, can prepare you to tackle more difficult conversations with your boss, she says.
“Social uncertainty is always part of the game,” Pryor says. “But when we grow, we have to take micro-risks. (That) might mean raising your hand and suggesting something in a meeting, even if you’re not sure how it’s going to come out.”
Here are Pryor’s four favorite easy tips for building your clumsiness endurance.
You don’t have to build your social confidence alone.
One of Pryor’s clients was once told by a boss that she needed to participate more in meetings, she says. It was incredibly intimidating and the client didn’t know how to intervene without feeling like she was interrupting.
Pryor suggested she recruit an “awkward army,” full of people she trusted, to give her an entry point into conversations. The client ended up asking her boss if he could explicitly invite her to participate in conversations, Pryor says.
The strategy helped her feel less weird speaking in front of other people and showed her how to naturally incorporate her point of view into group meetings, Pryor says.
Instead of focusing on wins and losses, Pryor suggests celebrating your “at-bats.” Make participating in conversations feel like a game: Every time you contribute to a meeting, draw a star in your notes. If you have a difficult conversation with a peer or superior, put a sticker in your calendar.
The goal: accumulate more stars and stickers, and track how often you expose yourself.
Prioritizing effort over perfection will help you feel like you’re progressing, says Pryor. Don’t worry if your conversations seem broken: practice will eventually increase your confidence.
“The foundation of any seemingly awkward skill development is the ruthless prioritization of process over outcome,” she says.
Annual reviews attract weirdness: You have to correct past mistakes, and reporting overlooked wins to your boss can seem selfish.
You don’t have to wait until January to talk about your progress, Pryor suggests: You can notify your boss every time you reach a goal, big or small.
“If you’re feeling too vain to go to your boss at the end of the week and say, ‘Look at all these cool things I did this week,’ you can create an email template to yourself,” she said. “Say, ‘Hey boss, I just want to share some of the obstacles we overcame this week.'”
That way, when it comes time to ask for a raise, you have documentation and you’re just summarizing past conversations.
With the shift to remote and hybrid work, many workers have lost their “social muscle” and simply need to practice interacting with coworkers, Pryor says.
Adults are feeling more socially anxious and having more difficulty forming relationships since the start of the pandemic, studies show. And even in the best case scenario, the most confident people still feel socially awkward from time to time.
“Unless someone has figured out how to wave a wand and eliminate all uncertainty from his life – and can predict every action and reaction of every human being he encounters – then he will experience this emotion,” he said. Pryor said.
Lean into it, she suggests. Start small: Commit to keeping your phone in your pocket during elevator rides or in grocery checkout lines, and stay open to seeking connections with others.
It’s okay to make mistakes, everyone does. Sometimes the trick to appearing more relatable is to laugh at yourself when you’re not feeling in a good mood, Pryor says. She cites actress Jennifer Lawrence, who tripped over her dress while walking up the stairs to accept the 2013 Best Actress Oscar.
Instead of just blushing and thanking the Academy, Lawrence laughed it off and said, “You’re just getting up because you feel bad that I fell, and it’s really embarrassing, but thanks!”
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