DEAR ABBY: I have been separated and divorced for two years. A year ago, I met a man through a mutual friend. He was also going through a divorce. We started communicating, fell in love, and moved back and forth between Ohio, where he works and lives, and New Jersey, where I live.
He wants me to quit my job and find a new one so we can make our relationship permanent in Ohio. I’m a sales support coordinator for a broker and have been with the company for a while. There is no guarantee that I can find a job that pays as well as this one. He owns his own business and also takes care of his elderly aunt and uncle.
I want to be with him, but at my age (60) I’m hesitant to start a new job. Plus, I would leave my adult children behind and miss them dearly. It’s a dilemma because I want to be able to see my children as often as possible, but I also love this man and want to share my life with him. How can I understand this? — DIFFICULT DECISIONS TO MAKE
DEAR HARD DECISIONS: Your work is done for you. Before making a decision, do some research. Would leaving the state require you to sacrifice your well-paying job? Many people work remotely these days and it wouldn’t hurt to ask if it would be possible for you to do so with your current company. Are there similar job openings in the city where your gentleman friend lives?
Moving to Ohio doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t see your adult children anymore. They might visit us, and the reverse is also true. Other families are overcoming this challenge and so can you. Give yourself time to decide what is right for you.
DEAR ABBY: I am divorced and have an adult son. He hasn’t come back for four or five years. His father had a heart attack, so it took my son a few days to come home. I texted to see how his dad was doing and only received short responses. My son made no attempt to see me while he was here – not an hour-long visit or even a phone call.
I’ve never been so hurt. I am beyond devastated. I know it’s not about me, but I have feelings and I feel like I don’t exist for any of them. My ex and I are both in a relationship. Should I stop trying to communicate with my son? I don’t want to do this, but do what you want, he didn’t want to see me. So, is it “When a door closes, stop knocking”? I’m crushed. What should I do? — STILL MOM IN CANADA
DEAR MOM: Your son’s visit was none of your business. It was about his father who had suffered a heart attack and could have died. It’s entirely possible that your son had a lot to do with his father and the circumstances surrounding his treatment and care. If you hadn’t seen your son in four or five years, you might not have been so close to begin with. Leave alone. If you continue to pursue and personalize this, you will only push your son further away.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
New York Post