How could I deny him a social outlet at a time when the company had been taken away from him? It would have seemed monstrous. But let’s not just sit here and pretend I’m letting her do it just for her good. I let her do it for mine too.
Roblox had become a babysitter, a youth group and a camp all in one. I’ve come to think of it as a place she goes rather than something she does. She can happily spend hours there and I only hear cries of “Teleport!” Teleport me !! “I wouldn’t say I’m doing a good job while she plays, but I do * some * work. Or some household chores. Or a despondent scroll of fate.
I knew, abstractly, that there would come a time when I would lose the child I knew. That my baby would turn into a teenage girl, a clumsy, spiteful thing that she could use as rocket fuel to get out of my orbit. But my daughter is about to be 8 years old. I thought I had more time and never thought that the fuel she was burning would be supplied by me.
Because I see her entering a new world, trying new characters, different avatars. I see her skilfully navigating a space in which I’m all thumbs up. When I tried to play she typed in the chat bar, “Mom. Mom! Follow me, mom! My mom is so bad at it and I try to teach her, but she is an amazing mom.
I enjoyed the softening of the blow, but the truth is, I’m no great mom. I let her move to a two-dimensional arcade because, in the depths of my torpor and grief this summer, I could barely string two words together, let alone get him ready for a mother-daughter project. amusing
Generally speaking, it makes me cringe when parents (ugh, mothers, I mean mothers, it’s always mothers) describe themselves as failing parents, as if they were a competition or job for which we could receive a gold star. . But I found myself really realizing that I don’t fail parenting so much as I fail her.
As we move through school time (a heavy, indefinite sentence) things are going to have to change here. This summer I felt like a woman drowned in Karo’s syrup. Of course, I am depressed, am I not? But I can’t bring her back to the real world if I can’t even make it on my own.