A wedding is an exciting but expensive occasion for the whole family. But a mother has been slammed for seeking help for her daughter’s big day.
Reddit user u/Early-Retirement-22 wrote that he has always been good with money and inherited a good chunk, allowing him to retire early.
Recently, the childless man argued with his brother’s wife after she refused to give $15,000 for his daughter’s wedding.
“She’s my brother’s daughter-in-law, there’s no blood relation. I guess she’s not really my niece, but they call me her uncle,” the poster wrote.
His initial plan was to give the woman $1,000 as a wedding gift, but then the parents started booking things.
“(They) asked me if I could give them $15,000. Yes, I could, but I just don’t want to, I would give $1,000. My sister-in-law started pressuring me for more , I said no. $1,000 was a nice amount. contribution for an uncle-in-law (for lack of a better term). She then got angry and insulted me, etc.” he wrote.
In 2022, the average cost of a wedding reception venue in the United States was around $11,200, according to Statista.
The man has since revoked his offer after receiving verbal abuse from the couple. He turned to the internet for advice after rescinding his offer.
He wrote: “I told her that any offer of money was off, that I would not give a cent, that I would not attend the wedding and that I would not give any gifts. She called me a AH (a******) and all kinds of things. other things. My brother called me and apologized for his wife and asked if I would consider $5,000. I said I loved him, but I didn’t love his wife and that my decision not to give anything was valid. He then joined the chorus (A ******).
The man has since updated his post to tell others that he received a better apology from his brother. However, he has broken ties with his wife and is going to skip the wedding.
“My brother told me his daughter-in-law doesn’t know anything about it, so I tend to offer the $1,000 directly to her,” he wrote.
Rima Barakeh, deputy editor of Hitched.co.uk, said News week about the popular post which has over 7,700 upvotes. She also offered four ways to ask for financial help when planning a wedding.
Barakeh, a wedding expert, said: “Traditionally, different aspects of the wedding bill are paid by the couple’s parents and family. So for couples who follow traditions, when it comes to who pays for what, much of the cost falls on them. their family. And it’s not just couples who follow tradition who can ask for financial support.
“In fact, it is not uncommon these days for couples planning a wedding to receive financial help from friends and family,” Barakeh added. “Overall, it is not the request for financial support that seems to be the problem here, but the assumption and manner in which the money was requested. There are much better ways to ask for monetary contributions from family members, but ultimately it is not advisable to assume that the money is coming.
How to ask for money for your wedding
- Wait and see who comes to you: Once you’ve announced your engagement and started talking about your wedding plans, it’s likely that anyone who wants to contribute will approach you to have that conversation.
- Ask, don’t demand: If the topic hasn’t come up and you want to ask your family members for input, be sure to do so and ask. This should feel like an option, not a requirement. By putting it this way: “If you would like to contribute to the wedding, we would be very grateful! » instead of “How much will you contribute?” » will always lead to a healthier and more constructive conversation.
- Give people options: If people have offered to contribute or asked what they can contribute to, ask them what they would like to contribute to. Is there a specific thing they would like to pay for? Some family members may really want to cover the cost of flowers or pay for everyone’s food. Including people in these conversations makes people feel appreciated.
- Be grateful: This seems obvious, but a thank you and a sign of appreciation, whether someone gives you $100 or $10,000 for your wedding, is the least you can do to thank people for their generosity.
So far, the post has received almost 1,000 comments since it was shared on September 21.
One comment read: “Yeah, insulting you was a brilliant way to get you to contribute more money. I don’t blame you for not donating anything at this point. They are acting in such a way that they are entitled to YOUR money, but just because you have the money to spend doesn’t mean you have to spend it on them.”
“The fact that they had the audacity to beg for money while apologizing is baffling. Lack of shame doesn’t even begin to describe their actions. They don’t deserve a cent,” one posted other.
News week contacted u/Early-Retirement-22 via Reddit for comment. We have not been able to verify the details of the case.
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