Commenters have been left disgusted after a woman revealed on a popular internet forum that she caught her housemate wearing pairs of her underwear and returning them to him without washing them.
The anonymous woman, known as u/No_Journalist801, posted about the incident on Reddit’s popular r/AmITheA**hole forum.
The post, found here, received more than 12,300 upvotes and nearly 1,000 comments, with many telling him that the behavior was predatory and borderline abusive, even though he claims she “told him.” shames”.
Kink shaming is when someone intentionally shames someone for their sexual desires or makes them feel problematic. But according to an article by Lux Alptraum for them, a kink requires the consent of all parties involved, otherwise it is considered assault or abuse.
Alptraum explained that the difference between a kink and an abuse is the existence of boundaries and consent. Without explicit permission, the data subject will potentially feel violated.
In the post titled “AITA for telling my group of friends about another k*ink friend so they also stop being friends with him?” the woman, 26, said she started living with her friend Paul a year ago.
She said she and Paul have been friends since college and have maintained their group of friends until today.
“Recently I started noticing something strange. My underwear was frequently disappearing and reappearing in my drawer,” the post read. “At first I didn’t notice anything, but every once in a while I noticed that some pairs that were supposed to be clean smelled weird.”
The woman explained that she grew suspicious after a while, mostly because when she told Paul about it, he ignored it but then started giving off “weird vibes”.
After arguing, Paul reluctantly admitted to stealing his underwear and wearing them before putting them back in the drawer without washing them. She said she assumed it was in hopes that she would end up wearing them as well without knowing it.
“When I found out about this, my skin crawled,” the post read. “Honestly, I’m a very open-minded person and I wouldn’t have a problem with Paul wearing women’s underwear if they weren’t mine, and he also confessed that he has been doing it since months.”
The woman said she felt violated and told Paul to leave immediately and he agreed to leave that night and stay with a friend from work while he looked for a new place.
He told her he understood why she was no longer comfortable being his friend and that he was embarrassed, but asked her not to tell any of their mutual friends about the incident.
“But I couldn’t not tell them as they were all wondering why Paul had to leave so suddenly and why we weren’t friends anymore,” the post read.
She explained that their friends knew something had happened and she decided to tell them because she needed support with the situation. She also said there was no way she was hanging out in the group if Paul was there.
“Everyone was truly shocked and understood my decision,” the post concluded. “Paul confronted me via text about it, telling me that I was wrong to share his k*ink with the whole group and that it was his private information. But I told him that I was authorized to say to my friends how his actions affected me as he violated my privacy and violated not only my trust but also my person.”
More than 970 users commented on the woman’s post, with many urging her to take action against Paul and calling her out for saying she had shamed him.
“NTA. This is harassment bruh. Hope you reported his ass to the authorities,” one user commented.
“It’s not a problem, it’s borderline sexual harassment and abuse. There was no consent here. Nta,” another commented.
“There is a real alarming lack of understanding that someone objecting that you involved them in your trick without their consent is not the same as kink-shaming,” another user added. .
“If he hadn’t touched your property, telling others about his problem might have been shameful, but HE violated trust and boundaries,” another wrote.
Others added that Paul’s behavior could be considered assault since he brought her into non-consensual contact with potential bodily fluids.
“Is that even adjacent assault, or is it just a form of assault? He could have given him an STD. I think if spitting on someone or poisoning them is assault, that probably qualifies as well “, commented a user.
Newsweek contacted u/No_Journalist801 for comment.
Many people have taken to Reddit for advice or to speak out about their problematic roommates, and many of those posts have gone viral.
In an r/mildlyinfuriating subreddit, a woman revealed that her roommate threw away all her food without her permission.
Another woman has gone viral after revealing she asked her married roommate to ‘spend less time with her husband and more time [at] residence.”
A college student has gone viral after revealing she asked for a new roommate after her current roommate told friends about her problem with wetting her bed while drunk.