Co-writer and director Taika Waititi’s Thor: Love and Thunder waits until the last half hour to show her wake-up cards, which is fine. You can’t ruin an already bad movie.
The woketardery does, of course, make matters worse. The last thing a bad movie needs is to pile on more bad – and the bad goes like this: for no reason other than to tick the boxes awake, we’re treated to a threaded conversation between lesbian Valkyrie (Tessa Thompson) and gay Kronan (voiced by Taika Waititi) about their gay love life. For the sake of fairness (or something like that), this conversation is intercut with a heterosexual romantic scene between Thor (Chris Hemsworth) and Jane, aka Lady Thor (Natalie Portman).
Oh, but don’t call her “Lady Thor”. She becomes completely Karen if you call her “Lady Thor”. Really, do call her “Lady Thor” because an outraged and offended “Lady Thor” can kick much meaner ass than an un-outraged Lady Thor.
Imagine all the lives that could have been saved if someone had called her “Lady Thor” in the first act instead of the last…
The effect of all this awkward awakening is off-putting, makes no story sense, kills the emotion we’re supposed to feel for Thor and Jane, but has one silver lining: it turns a forgettable movie into a a film that leaves a bad memory. taste in the mouth, which makes it memorable I guess.
So Thor is still an ignorant white man hanging out with the Guardians of the Galaxy (in criminally wasted cameos) until he receives a message that someone is killing all the gods in the universe, and Asgard is the next.
Jane, who we’ll now call Little Miss Uptight Lady Thor, is dying of stage 4 cancer, but don’t worry, it’s that Cancer movie where she still looks like a Victoria’s Secret model – not the Victoria’s Secret models of today, who are all fat or dudes, but the good kind that we remember.
Either way, Thor’s hammer, which is now on display at an amusement park, beckons Jane and transforms her into Little Miss Uptight Lady Thor.
The villain is Gorr the Butcher God (Christian Bale). His threat comes from a sword with the power to kill gods. Bale is excellent. Unfortunately, it’s too good. It’s like it’s happening in an alternate universe where Thor: Love and Thunder is a good movie. The additional problem is that his master plan makes no sense. We know why he murders the gods. I understand. I don’t understand: Gorr’s goal is to reach the center of the universe, where anyone can make a wish that the universe will grant. Gorr’s wish is to kill all gods.
Why does Gorr waste his time killing gods, which warns the gods that he is a deadly threat, which warns Thor and Little Miss Uptight Lady Thor, and their gay companions? Naturally, they will try to stop him. So why didn’t Gorr find a way to quietly get his hands on Thor’s ax (the key to opening the center of the universe) and kill all the gods with that wish?
Oh, and why did Thanos go to such lengths to collect Infinity Stones when he could have just asked the Center of the Universe for his wish?
Either way, Bale is brilliant in this role. I also enjoyed Russell Crowe’s showy scene as Tubby Zeus. I also enjoyed watching Tessa Thompson blow everyone off screen. She should have had more to do. Valkyrie is pretty cool.
love and thunder the biggest problem is the tone. Waititi is desperate to retain the irreverence that has made Thor: Ragnarok (2017) a fan favorite. Well, that just doesn’t work in a movie about cancer, a dead girl, kidnapped children, and a tortured and haunted villain. And while my memory may be off, it looks like Thor is a lot more clueless and clumsy here. In previous movies, he might have been a clumsy fish out of water. Here, he’s like a clumsy, arrogant, clueless Inspector Clouseau accidentally winning the day. Waititi is so eager to emasculate the guy that we see him wearing a kitchen apron.
If the impressive crowd at my 4 p.m. matinee means anything, love and thunder will make a fortune. But out of a hundred jokes, I heard about three scattered laughs.
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