“I regret my abortion. I’m thrilled with Roe v. wade’

On the morning of June 24, as I took my last sip of coffee at the kitchen table, I read the news that the United States Supreme Court had struck down Roe v. Wade, ending the constitutional right to abortion. Instant relief swept through my body and tears of joy began to flow.

I am a “post-aborted” woman. See Roe v. Wade canceled in my lifetime is a monumental moment for me and for all women who have suffered excruciating and heartbreaking regret over abortion.

In 2010, when I was 18, I had two abortions just six months apart. My regret was not instantaneous, in fact it took years before I really realized what I had done. It slowly crept in, bit by bit, taking pieces of me and breaking me apart in ways I never imagined possible.

I felt it when a friend or relative announced a pregnancy or a birth, when I scrolled through social media and saw photos of babies, when I lay awake at night wondering what I could have done differently.

I then got married at the age of 21, and truth be told, I quickly began to deeply desire the very thing that I had once thought was the “end” of my life; a family. Within six months, I was pregnant. In the months that followed, I learned how “alive” my aborted babies had been.

Seeing my baby on our first ultrasound, when I heard my baby’s heartbeat, when I found out I was going to be the mother of a precious baby boy, and when I started to feel my child move in my stomach. It seemed like everything I had been told about my previous pregnancies being “just a bunch of cells” was a lie. Now I see that my abortions were the deadly, irreversible consequences of believing that.

The realization of what I had done took me to a place that almost cost me my life. For years, I struggled in silence. I cried myself to sleep night after night. I was obsessed with the thoughts of my children. Wondering what their hair would have looked like, how their voices or their laughter would have sounded, or who they would have become. The overwhelming realization that I could never, ever see or know them in this life, took me to the darkest place I have ever been.

Emily Rarick had two abortions in six months when she was 18. She is now an anti-abortion activist. Here, Rarick is pictured with her husband as she is pregnant with one of his three children.
Emilie Rarick

Two and a half years ago, I started my journey in the anti-abortion movement. Sharing my story has been one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. In the vulnerability of sharing my story, I found hope and forgiveness. I knew I could never change or take back what I had done, but I could help others not make the same mistake. I could fight for the inalienable right to life of the unborn child. The stories I’ve heard, the people I’ve met, the knowledge I’ve gained, have all cemented my belief that abortion is inherently wrong.

Throughout this journey, I’ve been told so many times that I’m “anti-woman” when in reality it’s women I care about so much. I am a woman and I never want another woman to suffer like me because of the abortions I have had.

I now believe that abortion should never have been legalized and that the blood of my unborn children is in the hands of our government as much as it is in the hands of the people who performed my abortions and the mine. If abortion hadn’t been legal when I had mine, I know I would have been much more careful not to get pregnant. Going forward, we need to make sure people understand the consequences of having sex and take personal responsibility for those acts.

Many believe that women who want abortions will now try to access them illegally. I agree that it will happen. So, I believe the best way to combat it is to provide education and resources to women in crisis. I also believe that criminalizing abortion would have a chilling effect on women trying to access unsafe abortions.

For me, this is only the beginning, it is now time to challenge the elected representatives of our states and ban abortion state by state. Protecting the lives of unborn children is the beginning of the culture of life that so many in the anti-abortion community hope for. A world where people from all walks of life have the resources they need to thrive and live, and where every human being is treated with dignity and respect from the start of their lives.

Emily Rarick is an anti-abortion activist living in Florida. You can follow her on Twitter @emilyrrarick_.

All opinions expressed in this article are those of the author.

If you are having suicidal thoughts, confidential help is available free of charge at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Dial 1-800-273-8255. The line is available 24 hours a day.


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