DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 34 years. During most of them, I was unfaithful. I never felt like I was truly married because my husband never gave me the time of day, but I liked my marital status because, I suppose, we were companions. As soon as my children got married and the nest was empty, I left. I didn’t feel the need to stay and be unhappy, so I moved. Why I didn’t get divorced in those eight years is beyond me.
We are now together again, and I don’t know why. We are not physically attracted to each other and he is manipulative, selfish and sarcastic. Why, Abby, am I afraid to turn the page? I hate it when we’re home alone. I prefer to spend the day with my grandchildren. I didn’t miss him at all when I was away, but he called me often and I felt obligated and guilty. What should I do? — IN SEARCH OF HAPPY IN ARIZONA
DEAR SEARCH: If you really want to find “happy”, the place to start would be in the office of a licensed psychotherapist. Once you understand why you were willing to marry a manipulative, selfish, and sarcastic man who you are not attracted to, you will understand what your next move should be. From where I’m sitting, it should be headed to the office of a lawyer who can help you untangle yourself from your unhealthy marriage once and for all.
DEAR ABBY: I work for a law enforcement department that has seen a hiring spree in recent months due to retirements. One of our new recruits is an obnoxious know-it-all. When we talk about politics, she constantly corrects us, usually wrongly. When we try to explain to her that she is wrong, she twists everything we talk about to make it seem like she is right, or she says we are being rude.
It’s not just a question of politics. Daily conversation can be frustrating. I made a comment about a geographic location, and she started discussing it. She then Googled it and realized that I was indeed right. I don’t want to argue daily with someone who thinks she’s always right. I’ve tried to let it go or say, “Yeah, okay, you’re right,” but it’s hard sometimes. My boss doesn’t help me. He doesn’t deal with her on a daily basis, so he doesn’t see it and says we “just need to get along.” How to approach this situation professionally? — ON HER IN OREGON
EXPENSIVE ON HER: If this new employee’s personality problem persists, it could poison the entire department. Ask your colleagues if they have experienced what you experienced with this woman and, if so, what they think about it. If they agree that she needs to be right even if she’s wrong, that’s a problem, contact your boss. as a group to talk about it. This way it will be seen as a personnel issue rather than a personnel issue.
TO THOSE WHO CELEBRATE ROCH HACHANA: At sunset this evening, the Jewish New Year begins. During this time of solemn introspection, I wish my Jewish readers: “L’shana tova tikatevu” — may you be inscribed in the Book of Life and have a Happy New Year. — LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
New York Post