I discovered my grandfather’s shocking secret


DEAR ABBY: While doing genealogy research during the pandemic, I came across my maternal grandfather’s death certificate. I knew he died quite young during the Depression. But I was shocked to learn that he had committed suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning in his car in the garage of their house. His little restaurant was not doing well and money was scarce. I imagine he was desperate and depressed.

My mother had anxiety issues, which could be the result of her father’s suicide or a genetic problem. Should I share this information with my adult children? Could it be useful to them in some way? My mother did not share this with me. I have a close relationship with my children, and this secret troubles me. — WITHHOLDING INFORMATION

DEAR HOLDER: Your mother did not share the details of her father’s death because at the time suicide was considered a source of shame. The stress of keeping her father’s suicide a secret may have contributed to her anxiety. Fortunately, mentalities are more enlightened today, and the subject of suicide can be addressed.

Because this secret troubles you, you absolutely must reveal it to the public. It might be helpful for your children to know that depression can run in the family.


If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts or experiencing a mental health crisis and live in New York City, you can call 1-888-NYC-WELL for free, confidential crisis counseling. If you live outside the five boroughs, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline 24/7 at 988 or go to SuicidePreventionLifeline.org.


DEAR ABBY: My husband’s brother and his wife visit us every six weeks and are guests at our house. My husband is very close to his brother and I know that their time together is a blessing to both of them. My problem is his wife. She drives Me Crazy. She wants to come into my business and is very outspoken.

My husband’s parents and his other brother are deceased. Other family members have room for them, but I was the only one who opened my house to them. I don’t want to cause problems in the family, but she criticizes what we watch on TV and tells us what she prefers to watch. She wants to go out to eat and I told them, several times, that I didn’t want to do that. I’m still taking COVID precautions, but I can’t get her to understand that.

They have a lot more money than us, so spending $100 in restaurants is of no use to them. I’m not comfortable spending money like this. I cook at home, which she rarely does. I dread the weekends when they come. How can I tell her that in my at home, she should keep her opinions to herself? — SOUTH POOL

DEAR MARRE: In the interest of preserving family harmony, do not confront your sister-in-law. You and your husband should talk to him and her brother and lay down some ground rules regarding their visits, including overspending at restaurants. Divide television entertainment time equally between yourselves. If that doesn’t work for her, offer to lend her a book or suggest that she bring reading material on her next visit.

Unless you’re quarantined, visit another equally health-conscious friend so you’re not constantly subjected to this woman’s company. You might also suggest “nicely” that it doesn’t seem right for her to spend all of her time with you during these visits, which deprives other loved ones.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

New York Post

Not all news on the site expresses the point of view of the site, but we transmit this news automatically and translate it through programmatic technology on the site and not from a human editor.
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