Greg Gutfeld: The Russian-Ukrainian war is also a war between competing narratives

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Salvation. We are back. Lots of news came while we were apart.

Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian are still together. It’s the couple that makes me wonder: would World War III be such a bad thing?

But we’ve been away for a few weeks and for good reason. This is a news channel. And the war is in the news.

In fact, it’s breaking news, and it drops all the time. But you can’t spell breaking news without a pause. And sometimes we need a break.


But first, let’s assess what we know.

KAMALA HARRIS: So Ukraine is a country in Europe. It exists alongside another country called Russia. Russia is a bigger country. Russia is a powerful country. Russia has decided to invade a small country called Ukraine. So basically it’s wrong.

You know, I like the way she talks to me, like I have a head injury. Maybe I do.

But it’s true. Russia invaded Ukraine. And like Joe Biden reading a children’s book, what should have taken days is now nearly a month.

And with each passing day, things are getting more and more desperate.

And meanwhile, my mother-in-law escaped from Ukraine to Poland, and no, she didn’t write on her broom. She got through it with the help of some amazing people, which I’ll talk about in a second.

But now my wife is over there in Warsaw trying to find a way for her mother to come home, which means I’m on my own.

But I tried to stay busy. You know, it was really hard. But I managed to make some nice friends. Listen, I had to do something. Changing all the door locks in the apartment only took about an hour.


But seriously, thanks to Fox, I was able to get my mother-in-law out of kyiv. It’s a pretty amazing tale.

They picked her up from a small village and drove for hours, if not days, and were able to get her out of danger and into Poland.

I think they did this so I could use my new mother-in-law’s jokes.

For example, my mother-in-law was stuck in Kyiv and that posed a dilemma. Get her out or block her on Facebook? Yes. Dead silence.

But seriously, my wife wanted me to send someone to pick her up, I would have, but I have a one star rating on Uber.

My mother-in-law was stuck in kyiv. And to be honest, I’m not crazy about her. So, after hours of discussing this, we came to an agreement. If she’s saved, I’m back in her will.

But enough. In all honesty, she went on a crazy trek across the country and made it out alive, thanks to a friendly group of Fox News employees who didn’t even know her but offered to help her.

I mean, who knew Dagen McDowell knew how to make Molotov cocktails with hand sanitizer in a Purel bottle? And who knew Kat could drink it?


My mother-in-law found her daughter, my wife Elena. I haven’t seen my wife this happy since I moved into the guest room.

But, I have Fox News’s Scott Wilder, Trey Yingst and Steve Harrigan, among others, to thank for that.

So it’s obvious: the war in Ukraine is an ugly and bloody thing. It is also a war between competing narratives. Some are persuasive, but also confusing in this new fog of war.

It’s still two movies on one screen. Ukraine fights and wins, and Russia is about to crush them.

You alternate between screens, often with the same visuals.

They say truth is the first casualty of war, but that’s really a perspective. When you start to find yourself going from a stage of hopeful belief to a stage of cynicism.

First, you are naive. Have you heard of the Ghost of Ukraine shooting down jets? Have you heard of Ukrainian sailors refusing to surrender? Have you heard of Gutfeld’s stepmother killing her captors with a box of hairnets?


It turns out that many of these stories aren’t quite true, but are simply meant to inspire. They serve a purpose, but they turn you from a naïve consumer of news into a pissed off cynic like me.

The problem is, that’s as bad as being naïve. Because for us, we want the truth. But in the age of social media and the internet, fables travel the sun and come back before the truth comes out.

My gardener said so.

So all we can do is watch and listen and hope for the best. And the best we can hope for is that this stupid, horrible thing is over as soon as possible.

This article is adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s opening commentary on the March 14, 2022 edition of “Gutfeld!”


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