Fury as Divorcee Tells Her Cousin Who Lost Her Fiancé It’s Not a Grieving Competition


A post about a family dispute between a woman going through a divorce following a miscarriage and another whose fiancé died has gone viral on Reddit, where it has received 15,100 upvotes at the time of this writing.

In a post shared on Reddit’s Am I The A****** (AITA) sub-forum, user wasithea****** said her miscarriage last year was “the worst moment of my life” and that “it took a long time”. hit” about her relationship with her ex-husband. Their divorce was finalized last month and “it’s honestly a different kind of pain…” the user said.

The poster recently went to a family Christmas dinner, where many parents “kept checking on her,” “asking if I was okay and bringing me food. I felt really loved…” Her cousin “A”, whose fiance recently died, was also at dinner “but didn’t talk much and was mostly to herself”.

A stock image of two upset women arguing on a sofa, gesturing with their hands. A woman going through a divorce following a miscarriage and another whose fiancé died had an argument over a family Christmas dinner.
iStock/Getty Images Plus

An October 2019 study published in the peer-reviewed journal Psychosomatic medicine said: “The death of a loved one has been recognized as the greatest stressor we face as humans, topping the list of stressful life events…”

As the cousin was seen grabbing a soda, the Redditor in the last post asked if she could bring him one as well. According to the user, her cousin then “got pissed off and started picking on” her, wondering “why she should bring me things. [that] I can get mine.”

The user told her cousin that she only asked “since she was already there and doing a big deal”.

It looked like she was about to cry, the cousin reportedly “kept saying I expected everyone to ‘fake’ me and nobody care about her and her fiancé”.

The original poster replied, “We’re all doing our best. I’m sorry if she feels that way, but this is not a grief competition, and she should understand that.”

The Redditor said his cousin’s sister later messaged the user that she was “awful” and “we’re all awful” to the cousin.

Jordan Bierbrauer, a licensed clinical social worker at Colorado mental health service provider Thriveworks, said Newsweek“No one experiences grief the same way. Grieving is an individualized experience, and there’s no right or wrong way to do it.”

In the latest Reddit post, “it seems like there were some strong emotions going on and that’s normal with grief. Going wild is also normal with grief because emotions can stay on the surface and build and build. build until something (even something minor) can cause them to explode.”

Bierbrauer suggested that both sides should “exercise the idea of ​​dialectical thinking,” which challenges someone to see the situation from different angles.

“It would allow the writer to understand how her cousin felt about vacationing without her fiancé for the first time, and would allow the cousin to understand that the writer wasn’t trying to be malicious,” Bierbrauer said. .

The latest viral post has sparked debate among Reddit users, with many criticizing the original poster.

In a comment which received 54,100 upvotes, user WokeJabber said: “…Her fiancé just died. And your loved ones were all hovering around you, because of a year-old event. The Mourning is not a competition, but some are fresher than others…”

User Rasputin1357 said: “YTA [you’re the a******] PO [original poster]… The loss of a child is difficult and would cause grief, but the resulting divorce would be a relief. But the loss of her fiancé. What does OP think they grow on trees or are swappable like spare tires? If they’re so easy to replace, go get a new one to replace your husband…”

PoppinBubbles578 agreed, stating “…YTA. It’s not that hard to shift the whole family’s attention from OP to A [the cousin] who is visibly going through a whole new bereavement, withdrawing from her family…”

MembershipJaded5215 was more diplomatic, stating that the poster was “NAH [not the a******] – pain is pain. Pain is pain…trying to compare which emotional and physical wounds are the greatest doesn’t do anything for anyone. You suffer. She’s trying to share hers in a very weird way…”

Newsweek contacted the original poster for comment. We were unable to verify the details of this case.

Do you have a similar family dilemma? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice and your story could be published on Newsweek.


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