For Liz Truss, the only way is up (or out) – POLITICO

Welcome to Declassified, a weekly comedy column.

The following is an exclusive extract from the diary of Liz Truss, found in a dumpster at the back of 10 Downing Street and taken from under the noses of Sun reporters.


Listen, we’ve all had bad experiences during the first few days of a new job. Maybe you arrived late on the first day. Maybe you used the boss’ coffee mug. And maybe you emptied your own currency so badly that the International Monetary Fund had to step in. Let those of us who have not destroyed our own economy cast the first stone.

With the possible exception of David Beckham’s punch to the face, things couldn’t have been much worse for Truss in the early days of his tenure at the top.

September 6: Officially appointed British Prime Minister, a day after beating Rishi Sunak in the Tory leadership race. September 8: The queen dies. (There is no connection between these two events, just in case any lawyers read, it was just a terrible time for Truss.)

Although Truss couldn’t do anything about the Queen’s death, she did have her say in announcing a mini tax cut budget that didn’t scare the financial markets so much as it did. snuck into their house in the middle of the night dressed as a vampire and stood silently by their bedside, whispering in their ear and waiting to scare them away.

Britain’s borrowing costs have soared and the pound has fallen so much that economists are suggesting replacing it with the Zimbabwean dollar, or simply going cashless altogether and returning to a barter system.

Tory MPs are already said to be sending letters demanding that Truss be removed from office, and she probably hasn’t even opened all the ‘congratulations on your new job’ cards. Remember, although Truss comfortably beat rival Rishi Sunak in the party member poll, he did better among Tory MPs, so she was vulnerable before she even started.

By the way, the shortest time in office for a British Prime Minister was the 119 days George Canning was in power in 1827. To beat that, Truss has to hang around until January 3, 2023.

However, she has already beaten other world leaders in the ‘shortest time in power’ contest. In Italy, for example, Tommaso Tittoni was only Prime Minister of Italy for 16 days in 1905 (as part of that country’s generous offer to let all of its people be Prime Minister at one time or another) . And you just know the EU is praying for Giorgia Meloni to equal or even better Tittoni’s record.


“Disappointment as the halftime act of the next Super Bowl is revealed.”

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For Liz Truss, the only way is up (or out) - POLITICO

“Yes, I saw you. I can’t speak at the moment”, by Luca Curci.

Paul Dalison is POLITICS‘s publisher of slot machine news.


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