Chateau Denmark review: A truly decadent stay

Can you spot the whips in the deluxe session room? (Photo: Castle Denmark)

“Music is dead”. “Rock and roll ain’t what it used to be”. These are the whispers of many who have been appalled at the development of Tottenham Court Road over the years. Next door, where huge glass caverns take you into the bowels of Tottenham Court Road’s Elizabeth Line, is Denmark Street, London’s Tin Pan Alley.

It’s the home of music, where nearly every great British musician has come to put a marker in the sand with the Rolling Stones, Queen and the Kinks making their first recordings here. Paul Simon, Bob Marley, Stevie Wonder and Jimi Hendrix too. David Bowie even lived on the streets in his converted ambulance, while the Sex Pistols lived and recorded at 6-7 Denmark Street.

So how could I turn down the opportunity to stay in the newly renovated Castle Denmark, where Johnny Rotten scribbled in magic marker on the walls?

Forget a minibar, it’s all about the maxi (Photo: Château Denmark)

Castle Denmark
They really didn’t do things by halves (Photo: Château Denmark)

Positioned as honoring its heritage, where music flourished and party never-ending, the opulent hotel now welcomes its guests for an absolutely outrageous stay.

At a time when we are all feeling the pinch and bracing ourselves for what might come, Castle Denmark is an over-the-top, do-it-all destination. High-end hotels promise unique stays, but let’s face it, these are often in rooms where if you look next, it’s the same layout, the same design. That’s fine, if that’s what you’re looking for, but Chateau Denmark promises something completely different for each of its rooms which are furnished with signature graffiti-adorned beds and full-blown psychedelia with bright colors and makes you feel like you’re at your own afterparty just off stage.

After being nearly teleported through a digital web, you’re straight into a red zone where punk rock meets vintage goth as neon lights glow in welcome at the reception. The team anticipated my arrival and I couldn’t tell if it was annoying or really lived up to its VIP promise, nevertheless I was already taking on my rockstar persona, even though I was devastated from running after it a toddler all day.

Castle Denmark
The castle had me as a butler… (Photo: Claire Eaton-Rutter)

We were immediately introduced to our butler, Alberto. A butler! He would take care of all our needs, he insisted, taking us to our room. Each of the session rooms and apartments has its own song name like McCartney’s A Killer Queen and This Is Your Time.

We were ushered into the Deluxe Session room, where padlocks and whips hang on the wall above the bed. Given a visit we were also shown a balcony and assured that we could ask for anything from cigarettes to food from outside the hotel and he would sort it for us. I was already in danger of getting used to life.

Castle Denmark
Now it’s an entertainment area (Photo: Castle Denmark)

Castle Denmark
Reed glass, emerald tiles and marble tiles are a winning combo for cool vibes (Picture: Castle Denmark)

Let it be said, I never want to see a minibar again after being spoiled with a maxibar. Why go mini when you can go maxi? Not that I could afford those prices, which were on the TV menu, where a bottle of Garrus Rose would cost me £400. I had anxiety thinking about that lary friend who would get overexcited and open the wrong bottle. Yeah. And the lighting is super dark in there, so it could happen. Fortunately, there were other reasonable choices. Bottles on bottles. It’s a party palace with absolutely raucous and devilishly decadent behavior.

I will admit that we ordered. Cheap and cheerful offerings from Chinatown which were then curated by Alberto. Which guy. He also knocked us up a rather delicious gin and tonic with an Old Fashioned and also got some oat milk, stealthily delivering it which we didn’t even seem to notice. A wizard.

Castle Denmark
Can we ride this at home please? (Photo: Claire Eaton-Rutter)

Castle Denmark
The dreamy breakfast vibe – don’t look at the wine from the day before (Photo: Claire Eaton-Rutter)

Being old now (37, but who’s counting?) I was a little apprehensive about my night’s stay, maybe I hadn’t completely gotten used to being a rockstar, but would the other guests be raving the whole night ? Am I this super grumpy spoilsport who ruined everyone’s fun with complaints? But that was not the mood. We didn’t hear a thing thanks to the super soundproofing and I’m still surprised about that as the sound system in the room was top notch.

Our next morning was also heaven, with a new butler called Meg helping to text us with our breakfast menu which she was going to have at the nearby restaurant The Black Penny. Did I feel treated or what? I debated saying not to worry but hey, I was still going to be a rockstar for a few more hours. The food was still piping hot and avoided the drowsiness that comes with being takeout and we enjoyed an invigorating bite while grimacing at the array of paraphernalia from the night before.

Overall, I loved the gothic drama of Castle Denmark. If anyone asks me where to stay in London, this is now at the top of my list because it truly is an absolutely outrageously opulent stay that eliminates the genericness of other London hotels. Staying here makes you feel like a rock star, and why would you want anything else? I was told they didn’t do anything by halves, and they weren’t wrong.

Session room rates start from £510 / apartment rates start from £660.
Long stay rates are available on request. Click here for more information.

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