A couple are being slammed online for their decision not to invite their friend who recently lost an arm to their wedding.
Groom-to-be, u/JoshTheMob, shared his story on the popular Reddit forum r/AmITheA**hole, earning 3,100 upvotes and 1,500 comments in five hours for his post, “AITA to ‘uninvite’ my friend to my marriage after he lost his arm in an accident?”
The original poster (OP) says he has been dating his future wife “Alice” for five years. The couple have a mutual friend, “Ezra”, who was run over by a drunk driver a few months ago. Although he survived, the OP says Ezra lost “most” of his arm. Ezra’s recovery is going well and the OP’s wedding would be the first time most of their friends have seen Ezra since his accident.
Alice, however, told OP that she was worried that if Ezra showed up to their wedding as planned, he would “take away our spotlight” and she was worried that “our friends were too focused on him.” OP agreed that the wedding may not have been the right place at the right time for Ezra, although for a different reason.
“Everyone loves Ezra. He’s one of those amazingly lovely guys and he’s honestly a great person, and I really like him. I told Alice she was dumb and that would always be our day, but I felt that maybe it was too much pressure for Ezra, for that same reason, there would be too much attention on him,” u/JoshTheMob wrote.
When u/JoshTheMob called Ezra, he asked if he was comfortable going to the wedding, but he also shared Alice’s concerns. Although Ezra told OP “no problem man, it’s your day”, his friends in their group chat are upset, as they think Alice “hats him” and call him capable.
“Like I said there were more factors than that and she’s not an ableist. She’s under a lot of pressure because marriage is very close and so am I,” u/JoshTheMob wrote, asking s they were wrong.
While fears of being upstaged at one’s wedding are common—and sometimes those fears are well-founded with some people taking the opportunity to propose, announce their pregnancy, or even wear white to distract the bride—he is inappropriate to exclude someone from marriage because of something beyond their control.
In one story, a groom and his mother did not want to bring his disabled sister to the wedding, even though the bride wanted her future sister-in-law present. The groom and future mother-in-law came up with the same excuse Alice did: she would distract the couple’s “attention”.
When the wedding date arrived, although the bride had invited her, the groom lied and said she couldn’t come – and when the lie was discovered, the bride sent a car to fetch her new beauty -sister. But her current husband has not spoken to her since the wedding.
In this story, Reddit harshly trolled the groom and his mother for being so callous towards his sister, and called out their ableism. History repeated itself as Alice and u/JoshTheMob were also criticized for not wanting Ezra at the wedding.
“[You’re the A**hole], the correct response to your wife would have been “Holy shit, what the fuck is wrong with you?” I will never repeat this because it is possibly the most selfish and insensitive thing I have ever heard,” u/InThreeWordsTheySaid wrote in the top rated comment with 13,000 upvotes.
“The correct answer would be ‘baby weddings, Ezra and I are going on a trip with all the money I would have wasted on you. He needs a little comfort,'” u/graygoosegg added.
“[You’re the A**hole]. [Oh my f**king God] What’s wrong with you. You exclude him specifically because of his disability. That’s the definition of an ableist,” u/Stoat__King wrote. “He would take our spotlight away from us. God forbid. I don’t know which of you is more despicable. thing or you for allowing it.
“On the plus side, it looks like your friends have their backs and correctly interpreted your revolting response to his tragedy,” they continued.
“Ezra seems like a great guy, just based on the fact that his answer was this mature i get why everyone loves it,” u/perfumgenius wrote.
Newsweek contacted u/JoshTheMob for comment.